Stephanie Tate Densley

Just Stuff

2012-01-06T10:36:00.001-08:00

Seeing how it's been almost a year since someone posted on this blog, I thought I would share a few of my thoughts. My mom has been gone 5 years now. For some reason this was hard for me. Really, I've only made it 5 years? It seems like I still have far too long until I see her again. I wonder sometimes what she would think of my parenting if she was here. I have this nagging feeling that I'm missing something as a mother because my mom isn't around to show me how to do it the right way. Like there's this special child rearing secret that only women with mothers know. Things are easier in some ways though. I more used to her being gone now. I still don't like it, but that's the way it is. The kids asked to watch home movies a few weeks ago and I almost made it through the ones of my mom without crying. It was nice to hear her voice. I feel like since she's been gone, my life has been exponentially harder and more complicated. I guess that's the point of life though, to be pushed out of our comfort zone and to grow from it. I often feel like I'm so much farther behind than I should be in learning from this but I hope that if I keep hanging in there and working toward peace and understanding, that my efforts will count for something. She never gave up, so how can I do anything less?

The wee babe:)

2011-01-29T07:19:00.000-08:00

Mom,
i hope you don't mind that I'm using your blog to talk to you. It's does help me feel better though. We only have 3 months left before this little boy will come and I can't help but feel excited and anxious all at the same time. I always tell Adam that this little boy is so special! I'm sure you know that though. I hope that you are enjoying some time with him up there before he comes to us. In the depths of my heart though, I still wish that you could be here to enjoy him with us. I know that he can know you through me and our family but it's just hard to realize that he'll know you only through pictures and memories that we share at first. I wish the veil would part just a little and send him with his own memories of you. I know that Heavenly Father has blessed us with so many people to love and care for him and that I should be happy with that, but the selfish part of me just wants you here. I have so many questions and worries about being a mom. I wish I could have asked you about them while you were here. Brooke has been my go to person and I feel like I get some of your advice through her, which is nice:).
I hope that I can be a good mom like you. I also hope that this little boy will know who you are through the pictures and memories that we have. I want to create a book or something that he can have in order to get to know you. I've been struggling lately with the idea of him only knowing you through pictures but I'll get through it. One day we'll all be together again and it will be such a joyous reunion! My heart is full and I know things will work out but I just miss you and grieve for the experiences that we could have had but realize that I am also incredibly blessed. I know you would tell me that "things will work out" and I know they will. I love you dearly and am grateful for the example you gave me! Keep tabs on the baby and enjoy him for us:).

Love always, Jamie

Exciting news!

2010-09-27T19:19:00.001-07:00

Mom-
Just heard from the district about our end of year tests! The entire fourth grade scored in the top ten percentile in language arts, math and science out of 48 elementary schools in the district! I can't believe it?! Wish you were here to celebrate with me!
Also, we're having a baby at the end of April. I want to call you and talk to you about it all the time but I have conversations with you by myself all the time. I miss you more than ever and long for your company. Keep tabs on that baby for us:)

Love always,
Jamie

A Song For My Mother

2010-05-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

"I Often Go Walking"

I often go walking in meadows of clover,
And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.
I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over;
Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you.

O mother, I give you my love with each flower
To give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through;
For if I love blossoms and meadows and walking,
I learn how to love them, dear mother, from you.

Words: Phyllis Luch, 1937–1995.
Music: Jeanne P. Lawler, b. 1924.

We sang this today in primary and I thought of her.

30 years ago...

2010-02-14T19:46:00.001-08:00

....... my parents were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
I'm so grateful for eternal families! I thank my Heavenly Father everyday for that blessing and am excited for the day when Adam and I will be able to start our little family:) Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Where?

2009-12-29T09:18:00.000-08:00

I promise this will not be a pity party.Well, mostly.(: I have been thinking lately about why I have been consistenly struggling to deal with not having my mom around. I am weak, that's for sure, but I wonder if it's something else. I'm not sure where to put her. Where she belongs in my life. When she was alive I knew. That was easy. We talked every day and spent time with eachother just about as often. She was one of my anchors in life. But that's not our relationship anymore. It can't be. So, what is our relationship now? How can I have the memories and not so much of the pain? How can she have a place in my life now and still leave me the ability to heal? Why am I still waiting for her to come back and make everything right again? Because that's not going to happen. I have to find a way to make things right again without her. Even writing that sentence makes me cringe inside. I'm really not sure how to do this. I need to find a way to forge a new bond with her. I bond that lets me keep her close in my heart but move away from the pain and anger I feel about her leaving. Right now those two things are far too entwined. Separating them can be done, I'm pretty sure. It just sounds scary and painful. Good thing I have a brother who knows just exactly how I'm feeling and what to do. Maybe I should rely on him. Maybe I should have relied on him more all along.

Up late and.....

2009-12-12T02:26:00.000-08:00

...missing you Mom. So many questions on my mind that I so dearly want to talk to you about.
I wish heaven had an email account or question and answer forum :) That would be nice.
Love you always.

Jamie D.

Can I Go Home Now?

2009-10-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

A lot of the time I really want to go home. A home where I'm safe and comfortable. Certainly my home with Andrew is wonderful. But I miss being able to go somewhere and be the child, not the mother. Somewhere that I can lay my burdens down and just be taken care off. My "home" was gone the day my mom died. I know it's not gone forever but sometimes that doesn't make it easier. I can't believe she's been gone almost three years now. I didn't think I could go three days without my mom let alone three years. I wish I still felt safe. I wish that I go back to my bubble where terrible tragedies only happened to other people and never to my family. But I can't and I all I can do is deal with it the best I can. The lyrics from this song really sum up how I feel.

"See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train"
-John Mayer "Stop This Train"

"Beating" Cancer

2009-09-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help but think of my mom today when I heard about the death of Patrick Swayze. It's funny how much of a bond you can feel with someone you don't even know. He fought a cancer similar to my mother's. Both of them are virtually impossible to survive once they have spread and neither gives the person much time. I have been impressed with the way he has handled his cancer since I first heard of his diagnosis. He kept on going. Like my mom. My mom served in the temple until she could hardly walk. She hoped against hope to the end. I think she knew that she probably didn't have much time, but she didn't let that take control of her life. I love her for so many things and I love her for that. It's been bugging me that all the papers are saying that Patrick Swayze lost his battle with cancer. He didn't and neither did my mom or anyone has who died of cancer. Patrick Swayze said, "I'm not winning the battle against cancer. What's winning to me is never giving up." I think it takes an extraordinary amount of strength to fight a battle to the death that you know you won't "win". My mom won the battle, so did Patrick, and so did so many others who didn't give up.

Stopping by for a visit . . .

2009-08-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

. . . and to leave a few flowers.

It is the nicest spot in the cemetery--under a beautiful tree. That makes me happy.

My dream

2009-06-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night about my mom. It was so real. I dreamt that she got some sort of reprieve from death and came back to us. We knew that it was only for a short time and so there was a sense of urgency. She looked so beautiful and healthy. I remember not even being able to contain the amount of things I wanted to say to her. Word just started flowing out of me. I just talked and talked, nonstop. I also held on her to for dear life. Just being close to her again was so comforting. She just listened quietly and smiled. I don't even remember what I said to her, just that I got to talk to her and hold her hand again. I woke up happy and sad at the same time. My heart aches to really see her again, but it was so wonderful to be with her, at least in my dreams.

With Jesus and . . .

2009-05-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about Steph today and remembered a funny and touching moment between her and Tate. Tate must have been about 4 years old (because he was talking, and he didn't say much before he was 3). He was sitting on Steph's lap and looking at her locket with the photo of Briana (the one she always wore around her neck). Steph was talking about Briana and asked Tate if he knew where she lived now. Tate said, "Yes! She lives in heaven with Jesus." And after a brief moment of more thought, he added, "And the Nephites!" Steph laughed and laughed and laughed--so hard she was crying!

My dear sister, here is wishing you and Briana (and the Nephites) a happy, lovely, fun-filled day in heaven!

A New Tradition!

2009-03-23T15:57:00.001-07:00

The reason why I ran a 5K!!!
After running the Rex Lee 5K
Mom, I ran the Rex Lee 5K and it was great! I felt so much closer to you during my 40 minute run and I am going to make this a tradition. Brooke said she is going to do it with me next year as well and I'm sure we can convince Dad to come along! Love you always and thanks for being my mom!

Finally!

2009-01-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

Mom,
Here is my little note to you:) Three semesters have come and gone and I've gotten straight A's each time! I can still remember how frustrated you would get with me because I just didn't put that much effort into school. You were a teacher and even you couldn't get me to buckle down and not procrastinate. While I can't say that I am cured of my procrastination habits, I'm sure you're proud to know that I finally am achieving my best! Sorry it took me so long to "get on the ball" but I always come around at the very end now don't I:) You taught me to love teaching as an art and a challenge! Thank you for that, my future students will be blessed by the things you have taught me.... and I plan to make sure that they know who I got my stuff from. Love you and p.s. we bought a house! Wish you were here to help me decide how to decorate (even though a lot of the stuff I have I got from you:)
Love always,
Jamie D.

For those days...

2008-11-09T16:15:00.000-08:00

For those days when I really miss you I will always remember this quote from Elder Wirthlin about how to deal with challenges:
"The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
Elder Wirthlin, November 2008 Ensign. (pp. 28)
Thanks for thinking of me today and helping me realize this mom! Love you!

The day my life changed forever...

2008-11-07T09:39:00.000-08:00

The day that my mother died has come and gone. I've been too emotionally drained to even really think about it until now. I remember holding her hand as she left us and wondering why no one was doing anything. How could we all just stand there and let her die? How could I ever go on without the woman that I loved best to help me and show me how to be a good woman and mother? I never thought my mother would die so young. Mother's don't die. They don't leave their children. I don't think you ever get used to being motherless. Over the last two years my raging torrent of grief at her loss has settled into a quiet stream of melancholy that flows through my life. Every new event and happy occasion is tempered by the fact that she is no longer here to share it with me or her grandchildren. There is no one to call and cry to on the days that I want to give my kids away (not permanently, maybe just for the day). So often I wish I could lay my head in her lap, have her brush my hair with her fingers and tell me that everything will work out. I never thought her death would make me feel so lonely. A lonliness that no one can help, because I only want my mother. I want my mother. So much. I know that I will see her again. This parting is only temporary. Still, on days like this, it seems far too long and only offers a measure of comfort. I share these thougths because I know that there are women who will read this that know too well my pain. My hope is that together we can make the lonliness and heartache a little more bearable.

Happy Birthday!

2008-11-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Mom! Have fun up there with Bri and we're sending our love, hugs and kisses!

Almost two years

2008-10-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

It will have been two years since you passed away, next week. Here is a poem I wrote tonight in my ESL Methods class. Hope you like it.

My Mom's Hands

They held me when I wanted to cry
and scolded me when I tried to lie.
They lightly tickled my ears at night
and helped me count my years just right.
I miss them running through my hair
or waving goodbye to me in the air.
Their shape was perfect in every way
and were always there when it was time to pray.
They shaped my life through service and love
and continue to do so from up above.
Now when I look at my hands I see
the person my mother always wanted me to be.

MELARIS

2008-10-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

I was doing a little research today and came across this test that can help to determine your risk of developing melanoma. Part of me would like to look into getting and part of me doesn't. I worry A LOT about getting melanoma, espcially now that it seems have such a strong genetic presence is our family. Sometimes I look at my children and wonder how much of their lives I will live to see. Knowing my odds won't change them, but maybe make my doctors and myself more vigilant in keeping my healthy. But can I live with that knowledge if the test does come back positive? Just curious what your thoughts are on this Tate and Dorius family. Here is a website about the test.
http://www.myriad.com/products/melaris.php

The way things used to be

2008-08-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

These last few days we went through all the stuff that my mom and dad had accumulated over their 26 years together. There was a lot of it. I couldn't believe some of the things that my mom had kept. Lots of our school work, awards, cards, those grade school mother's day gifts we gave her, and so many pictures. Some that I had never seen before. I came across a family picture we took at my high school graduation. There we were, all of us together the way we used to be, and I missed that home and that family so much. That sense of comfort and belonging that is "home". It's hard to realize that I don't have that anymore. I have my own family now but the child in me still sometimes longs to go home. I miss my family, plain and simple. Not just my mother and my sister, but the family that we were together. There were five and now there are three. The one constant thing in life is change I guess. Somedays I just have a hard time keeping up.

I came across some great pictures of my mom. I'll try to post some of them. I found one of she and I swimming when I was little. She is so beautiful! I couldn't get over it! My mom the beauty queen.(: Those bright, laughing, beautiful eyes that I miss so dearly. I also found a picture of my mom diving in Hawaii. I was always so proud of her for doing that. She was clausterphobic so it was not easy for her to learn to dive, but she did and she ended up really enjoying it. She never let anything stop her from doing what she wanted to do. I loved that about her.

Old Friends

2008-08-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

Hey Mom!
It's been a while since I've written on here but I just had to tell you about my new teacher experiences! Last week I went to Scera Park to meet Miss Greaves for help on her preparation day, but it ended up just being a "Back to School" meeting with the teachers and principal. Of course I stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of teachers who all new each other but then came the time for my introduction. Miss Greaves introduced me as Mrs. Fieber but someone on the table behind us quickly piped up and asked, "Are you related to the Tate's?" I turned around to answer the question and lo and behold it was Valerie Louder!! It took me a second to recognize her but I then I said that you were my mom and that I knew who she was:) I had completely forgot, even though grandma had told me:), that Valerie taught at Scera! And I must tell you that I was so proud to hear a few "ohh's" and "really, she was your mom?" as many of the teachers reminisced for a moment about their experiences with you!! I'm pretty sure that no matter where I am in Alpine School District I always run into someone who you touched! It was such a tender few minutes when I got to talk to Valerie and "catch up". She shared some very special memories and we shared a few tears. I really can't help but miss you everyday and especially when it comes to teaching.
I've been a little overwhelmed at times these past few weeks just wanting to call and ask you all of the questions that I have as an almost new teacher. How do you plan out a general year plan? How do you start the first day of school? What do you tell parents at parent teacher conference and back to school nights? How do you set up rules and routines? I know that most of this comes just by doing but I just want to be selfish for a bit and want you here.
We went to Russel's homecoming talk this morning and he has become quite the man. You would have loved to have been there and listening to his experiences and how he's changed. I chuckled to myself as he had "translation" times. I remember those days all too well. We all went over to Becky's for some yummy food and good conversation. It's been difficult sometimes to be around everyone since you've been gone. At times I feel like I'm a piece of the puzzle but without the piece that connects me to everyone else, you. I know that everyone there loves me and is always there for me but sometimes its so hard to feel like I have a reason to be there. I know that these feelings will pass but I so wish I could talk to you. You always had a way of listening and making me feel better about the situation. Now Brooke mainly plays this role for me. She is so much like you in that way and I'm blessed to have her. I also know that I have so many other people willing to listen to my blabbering and it brings me comfort in times of need. I had a dream about you the other night. You gave me a hug and I didn't want to wake up because I felt so at home. Love you as always and hope that you're proud of who we are!
Love always,
Jamie D.

Dearest Name

2008-07-29T21:08:00.000-07:00

Every night at bedtime I climb into Parker's bed and we snuggle and sing a few primary songs together. It's my favorite time of the day. It's also a way that I hope to build his little testimony of Jesus. He picks two songs and I pick one. Lately I have been teaching him the Dearest Name song. I have always loved it and now it's word bring me a smile and a feeling of peace as I think about my mother. The events of this week made me want to post it here in honor of all of our mothers and especially for those of us whose mother's now watch us and love us from heaven.

I know a name, a glorious name,
Dearer than any other.
Listen, I’ll whisper the name to you:
It is the name of mother.
Mother, so tender and kind and true,
I love you, I love you.
Mother, so tender and kind and true,
I love you.

Saying Hello

2008-07-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

Amy and I took our kids to the cemetery to place flowers on Steph and Briana's graves. Sarah, my four-year-old daughter, was very concerned as to how they were going to get the flowers. "Are they going to come and pick them up?" she asked. I explained to her that they were watching us from heaven and smiling, knowing that we love and remember them. "Oh!" she replied. Amy quickly told them to say hello, and they immediately looked up to the sky and began waving and yelling, "Hi Aunt Stephy!! Hi Briana!!" It was a beautiful and happy moment!

Girls' Weekends

2008-07-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

We had our annual Girls' Weekend this past Friday-Sunday. Well, it isn't really an annual one, per se. Sometimes it is substituted with Family Reunions, but we have had eleven since we began in 1993. This year we headed to Park City. We missed you, Steph--you would have loved it! We started it off by going to "Mamma Mia"--and that set the tone for the rest of our time together! We were crazy--laughing and dancing and singing and eating and shopping! We also missed Brooke, who couldn't make it from Washington, and Krista, and everyone else who was unable to attend! Here is a brief history of our weekend get-togethers, in pictures . . .

Park City 2008

San Francisco 2007

When Steph was too ill to come, we brought "Girls' Weekend" to her bedroom--October 2006

Seattle 2005

We skipped 2000 and had Family Reunions 2001-2004.

And we can't find a photo from our trip to San Diego in 1999.

Lake Tahoe 1998

Tucson 1997

San Francisco 1996

Park City 1995

St. George/Cedar City 1994

Las Vegas 1993

In My Daughter's Eyes

2008-07-13T07:44:00.001-07:00

This is a video that Kim put together just after Steph passed away. It shows not only Steph and her girls but also many other "mother-daughter" relationships in our family. Enjoy . . .

Busy

2008-06-30T18:01:00.001-07:00

This afternoon Parker and I were talking about our trip to Utah and how fun it was to see everyone. The first person he talked about was grandma Tate. He loves her so much and they really have a special bond. One of his favorite things in the world is to play cars out on her patio. I told him that grandma Tate was grandma Stephanie's mommy and that if grandma Stephanie was here she would love to play with him all the time. He asked me if grandma Stephanie was coming to our house. I told him that she couldn't because she lived in heaven but that we would see her someday. He thought for a moment and then said, "she's busy." I asked him what she was busy doing and he said, "playing with Jesus."

Today is for you

2008-06-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

Hey mom!! I'm just sitting here at work and thinking about our little barbeque that we'll be having in honor of you tonight. Most of the family is coming and we're having hamburgers, grandma's baked beans, and Becky's potato salad. I must admit that it wouldn't be a Tate function without those things and I love it! I looked up your name on google last night, since work was a bit slow, and I found out that you recieved the Golden Apple award from Alpine School District! I'm not sure when you did because we never talked about it, but I'm not surprised because you were always content to just do your best and not care if anyone noticed.:) I so admire you for that trait! I'm really trying to develop it for myself. You always did things because you knew it was right and you wanted to, never because someone else was watching. I'm sure that is why you were such a great teacher! You made every day your best day of teaching, even though I am almost positive you still had some more difficult days:).

Yesterday I had peaches and cottage cheese for a snack on my break. I can't help but think of you because you were the one who introduced it to me. Adam always asks me how I can eat that stuff... and I always remind him that you I tried it because of you! I also eat pears and grated cheese, and frozen burritos... some other "mom classics". I'm so thrilled to be able to go to Brooke's house and have a night about you! We don't get to talk about you with dad so much anymore, so it's nice to be able to have an night to blab on about all of memories. We were in Park City last weekend up at the time share and I got to share some memories with Adam...:) I remember getting you all spruced up in our room, putting your make-up and wig on and heading down for the BIG family picture. The best part of the entire picture experience was when little Parker reached out and pulled your wig off!! I will never forget that or the way you laughed when it happened! I think that was also Parkers first time "driving" Dad's beamer. We're going to see some of Kathy's kids tonight and I pray that Brooke and I can be a support to them througout this whole experience. They seem to be doing alright, considering everything. Melanoma is such a sneaky little varmint, but we're doing our best to keep it at bay. If Kathy ends up coming over there you make sure and give her a hug... we'll do our part down here but hopefully her kids will have her longer. Mom, I love you and miss you everyday. Thanks for helping become all I could be while you were here.

Just how I feel...

2008-06-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

I was reading some of the memorials on the melanoma website and I came across this poem that really touched me. It's really sums up how I feel about my mom.

"The Agony is so great.....
And yet I will stand it.
Had I not loved so very much.
But goodness knows I would not
Want to diminish that precious love
By one fraction of an ounce.
I will Hurt,
And I will be grateful to the hurt
For it bears witness to
The depth of our meanings,
And for that I will be
Eternally Grateful."

2008-06-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

Hi mom. Just me, missing you.
Love,
Brooke

You are always on my mind

2008-05-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

As time passes I find myself coming up with all kinds of questionst that I would like to ask my mom. Here are just a few of them:

What was your favorite color? ( I don't think I've ever asked you that)
How did you keep your nails so gorgeous?
What advice would you give me as a new teacher?
How in the world do you teach kids to read? I felt lost in Literacy I.
Do you think I'll be a good teacher?
Will I always be so stubborn...?
How can I be a better wife?
Should I do a masters equivalency or just do a masters?
What was your favorite dessert?
Is it okay that I learned how to play poker? :) LOL
What advice do you have about being a mother?
Are you proud of me?
How can Brooke and I better deal with dad's marriage?
What do you wish you had done before the end?
Should I keep my hair long or short?
What should I do for a summer job?
How do I fill the hole you left?
When will I get to see you again?
Am I doing a good job at Dixon?
What do you miss most about our family?
How's Briana?
What do I need to do to be better spiritually?
Do you know how much we miss you?
Are you okay with the new wife?
etc....

Wedding Day

2008-03-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

Here are a few photos I found of Steph's wedding day--she was a beautiful bride!

Memories

2008-03-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

OK, Jamie you reminded me of some stuff. I used the word "lallygagging" (I don't even know how to spell it) the other day and I had to smile because it is such a "my mom" word! I can't tell you how many times I heard, "quit your lallygagging!" I also remember her letting us come to help her with her classroom at the beginning of each school year. I'm sure we weren't too much help, but she knew we loved to so she let us come anyway. I loved my mom's hands. She had the most slender, perfect fingers and the most beautiful nails. She always kept her nails long enough to scratch my dad's back.(: She worked so hard to make my wedding perfect. That was my mom. She loved us so. I miss her when I don't know how to make baked potatoes and when Makenna laughs and I wish she was here to enjoy my kids. I just miss her all the time. Sometimes I wish it would get better but then I wish it wouldn't because I don't want to lose any of her.

More things on my mind

2008-03-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

Now that Adam and I are in the same ward that my parents attended for the last year of my mom's life I have had more opportunities to reflect on the memories that I have.

After returning from my mission in Spain, I remember being shocked to find out that my parents had hired someone to clean the house twice a week. All growing up my mother had been a "do it yourself" person and was very much a busy body. In this bewildered state I asked my dad why they had hired her. He lovingly replied that because the interferon had taken such a toll on my mom's body she decided to hire someone to complete the daunting task of cleaning "the castle house". That little moment helped to realize that my mom was going through some serious treatment even though she never presented herself that way. She was an incredibly strong woman who was very determined to do all that she could by herself.

I remember my dad telling me that almost every night my mom would come home from school and be so excited to tell my dad all about each student and their progression (whether it was big or little). She loved teaching so much and as I have begun my teaching career I can see why!!

I will never forget the night of my mother's retirement party. I got home from work and my dad was frantically trying to figure out where my mom had gone. We only had 10 minutes left before her party at the school and we still had no idea where she went. A few minutes later my mom came through the door. We asked her where she had been and she acted shocked about our concern. She informed us that she had gone to do her visiting teaching and ended up staying a little longer because her visiting teachee "needed to talk to someone". Now keep in mind that this was also a few weeks after she had started her aggressive treatments for brain cancer. I often reflect on this teaching experience when it's time for me to do my visiting teaching. Even though my life gets pretty busy with work and school, I remind myself of the selflessness my mother showed even during her most trying period. Almost all of us have time to do our visiting teaching, no matter what.

She always remembered everyone's birthday and special events. Her car was her room on wheels, much like mine is today. She didn't know how to give less than 110% in anything. She really loved McDonald's parfaits and all american meals. She made sure that we at least had one meal on Sunday together as a family. I'm pretty sure she created the term YOYO dinner (Your On Your Own)... this really helped me to develop my talents as a chef for which my husband is very thankful:) She allowed me to help her with different projects that she had for school that gave precious one on one time. She had a way of talking to my dad that none of us could ever master. She mastered the many "teacher looks" that my dad would comment on at home.

I wanted to invite everyone else to write down their memories of her as well so that we can all learn a little more about the details of her life. Love you all!

My parent's anniversary

2008-02-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

This Valentine's Day would have been my parent's 28th wedding anniversary. When I stop to think about all the things they went through and how they stuck together and kept loving and supporting each other, I'm amazed. I will never forget watching my mom reach out for my dad's hand the last 2 days before she died. Even though she could no longer speak, she still showed my dad how much she loved him and needed him with that one simple gesture. And my dad was always there to hold her and comfort her. They faced their last earthly trial together, hand in hand. The same way they had faced every other trial that had come their way in the last 26 years. As the years roll on, I've come to acccept that my memories of my mother will fade, but I know that this one memory never will.

Happy Birthday

2007-11-05T06:47:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday, Aunt Stephy! We made birthday cards, attached them to pink and yellow balloons, and sent them to you in heaven. Just wanted you to know we were thinking of you! We miss you so much and love you always! Tate, Anna, and Sarah

My mom

2007-08-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

We recently had a girls weekend with my mom's side of the family. My sister and I remembered my mom going on girls weekends before, hearing about the fun they had, and wishing that we were old enough to go:) My aunts posted many of their photos from our little trip to San Francisco and I couldn't help but keep looking for my mom in the photos.... maybe it's a subconcious thing? It was such a fun time and now I know why my mom liked to go so much. Since obviously my mom wasn't in any of the pictures from San Fran, I just felt like posting some of the pictures of she and I to make up for it:)

My mom and I in Sevilla 2006

In the Grand Plaza of Madrid

Hogle Zoo outing with Brooke and Parker

With Begonia in Cadiz at the beach

I still miss her everyday and planning things for my wedding reminds me that she is gone, but I know she'll be there on my special day no matter what! I feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful mother! I wish I could have had more time with her here, but now I get to look forwad to the eternities. She had a strong testimony of the Savior and the gospel and I plan to continue that legacy! The gospel helps to fill the gaps where answers are slim and I'm full of gratitude for it!

A Tribute to My Sister

2007-07-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

Stephanie was born on Tuesday, November 1, 1955, at the LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City. When Grandpa Coray came to see her, Mom and Dad went on and on about how beautiful and perfect she was. Grandpa looked her over and said, “She is cute, but I see some room for improvement.” And improve she did!

Mom and Dad loved the name Stephanie; however, no one else did—they received a lot of grief from family and friends regarding her name. In fact, Grandpa Tate asked, “What do you have against this poor child already to give her a name like Stephanie?” Regardless of the opposition, they decided Stephanie was the name for her. As a young child, she had trouble pronouncing her name and began calling herself, “Nenny.” To this, Dad added “Pooh,” and for many years, she was called “Nenny Pooh!”

Even as a baby, Stephanie was always on the go. She never officially crawled but rather scooted around on her behind. When she was 14 months old, Grandpa Coray tended her one day while Mom and Dad were away. When they came back to get her, Grandpa said, “She just up and walked, and I swear she walked 10 miles!”

Steph attended Scera Park Elementary School and Lincoln Junior High. Her buddies were Debbie Curtis and Valerie Lewis, and they were always together—even getting into mischief now and then (once they were chased by the police for throwing water balloons).

Stephanie was very smart and always did well in school. In fact, Mr. Title, a teacher from Scera Park Elementary School, thought she had perfect handwriting—and he actually escorted her on a Daddy-Daughter date when Dad went with Liz.

As a teenager, she had a crush on Davy Jones of the Monkeys, and as she got a bit older, she created and kept a very detailed list of the necessary qualifications her future spouse must hold—down to the type of skier he was—sloppy skiers need not apply.

Steph was a Tigerette when she was a senior at Orem High—something she was very excited about. She graduated with honors and went onto BYU where she earned a degree in Early Childhood Education.

When she went on her first job interview for a teaching position in Alpine School District, the interviewer looked at her with surprise and said, “You’re here.” To which she replied, “Of course I’m here.” He continued, “You looked so perfect on paper that I thought you might have been translated.” Of course she got the job!

Stephanie loved to travel and had a great sense of adventure—Mom said she would just get in the car and drive—often convincing others to join her on her journeys. She even traveled to Europe 1975.

It was at the beginning of her second year of teaching that Steph met Dale—at a Family Home Evening group activity. They were playing touch football—Steph injured her thigh, and as Dale had knowledge of sports medicine, he asked her if she wanted him to take a look at it. And so it began . . .he offered her a ride on his motorcycle to the next activity—she initially said no, but ended up going with him.

Their first official date was to Pioneer Park—Dale picked her up in his MG—they bought Grenadine and 7up to make Shirley Temples, stopped at Burger King for burgers and fries, and ate on a park bench—complete with candlelight—and afterward, they swung on the swings and talked.

Steph’s first impressions of Dale were that he was a nice guy, but a bit too short and short on hair. Luckily, she listened to her heart and focused on the nice guy part!

After a brief courtship, Dale decided to ask Stephanie to marry him. He knew that if he didn’t do it right away he would lose his nerve, and as it was late in the evening, he just picked up the phone and called her. He told her, “I know I love you, and I want to marry you. Will you marry me?” Steph replied, “I think so, but let me think about it more.” Dale called the next morning and said, “Well?” After a short pause, she said yes!

They looked at rings and picked one out. Dale got it earlier than anticipated and surprised Steph by showing up to her school, getting down on one knee, and proposing in front of her class. She said yes again!

Steph and Dale were married on Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 1980, in the Salt Lake Temple.

Brooke joined them on April 7, 1981; two years later, Jaime arrived on April 30, 1983. They had planned on having their kids two years apart, but Briana was a bit of a surprise—a wonderful one, as Jamie says—and arrived on December 6, 1984.

Steph was a devoted mother and very involved in her children’s lives—her three daughters were her pride and joy. She used to wake them up in the morning by singing to them—songs that she made up as she went along. (This is a trait she surely got from Dad.) If they didn’t get up, she would get a cup of water, dip her hand in it, and flick the water on them for extra incentive.

Stephanie had a great yet subtle sense of humor. Once when they were out boating and camped on a beach, Steph and Brooke were sitting on lawn chairs, and Briana was playing in the sand in front of them. Brooke noticed that Briana’s swimsuit had crept up, exposing one side of her derriere. Brooke said, “Mom, look at Briana—we need to fix her swimsuit.” Steph got off her chair, walked over to Briana, pulled up the other side of her suit, and said, “Now they’re even!”

After Briana died in June of 2001, Stephanie began working at the Provo Temple—it was in the temple that she felt true peace and solace. She had a strong testimony of the gospel. It was solid and never wavered. Through trials, sickness, and deaths, Stephanie showed tremendous spiritual strength, and faced her challenges with faith, not fear.

Stephanie cared deeply about others—often putting their needs before her own. This past summer, after her retirement, she was busy reading an educational book. When asked what she was doing, she said, “I know a teacher who is struggling with some classroom issues, and I want to help her.” She truly was a mentor and inspired not only the hundreds of children she taught throughout her 29-year career, but also those teachers she helped learn to become better teachers.

About the same time she was to begin her interferon treatments, she learned that her first grandchild was on the way. What a blessing that was in her life! For the last three months of Brooke’s pregnancy, Stephanie called her every day with a countdown to Parker—“Only 56 days left!” She was so excited for his arrival. Despite being in the middle of treatments that left her fatigued and with little strength, she traveled to Seattle to witness his birth and help with his care, and she was the second person to hold little Parker after his Dad.

Stephanie was comfortable with who she was—she was very real and very true. When she knew that she was going to lose her hair to the radiation treatments, she decided to take charge and cut it off, and she did so with a smile on her face. She rarely wore a wig—preferring a simple hat instead.

In June of this year, Steph and Dale went on a cruise to Alaska with Mom, Dad, Amy, and Tyler. One evening when they were docked in Juneau, Steph decided that she wanted to do some shopping. Amy and Mom thought t-shirts and post cards, but Steph had something different in mind. She had always been quite sensible. In fact, before buying her first new car, a light blue Fiat, she did extensive research to make sure she was making a good decision. In Alaska, she threw all caution to the wind and purchased a diamond bracelet, pendant, and earrings—just like that—to the shock of her travelling companions. The next day she said, “I don’t know what got into me—I went a little crazy last night.” But she had no buyer’s regret and enjoyed wearing the jewelry.

Stephanie loved to learn—she was always taking some class—often certification courses for school, but earlier this year, she took a Spanish course so that she could speak and understand some of the language for the trip she took to Spain with Dale and Jamie.

Steph always maintained her positive outlook—she never complained. Even at the end of her illness, she would always say, “I’m okay,” “I’m fine,” or “Sounds good!” She was an eternal optimist.

Stephanie was always supportive, always present, but never sought attention or recognition. She had a quiet way of going about things. She didn’t have to be the life of the party, but she certainly radiated a great deal of light to any room she entered.

Stephanie lived what she believed—she lived her convictions. What you saw was what you got! When she retired earlier this year, her school gave her plaque that read: Simplicity—to be simple is to be great. That was Stephanie to a T!

Although the 51 years she spent on this earth seem far too short to us who dearly miss her, they were full, rich years of a life beautifully lived. And we are truly fortunate to have loved and been loved by Stephanie.