Monday, July 23, 2012

Orphaned on the Holidays

I continue to realize more and more how much you did to make things happen, especially on the holidays.  We grew up always having people to celebrate with... even on the little holidays.  Now, the little holidays seem to come and go, like the 24th tomorrow, and I'm left to plan something for myself.  I miss having you there to plan it and I kind of feel like an orphan.  Its hard to explain and for others to understand, but mom's really do get everyone together for the special occasions.  When you're mom is gone, so is a little part of that secure feeling that you're always invited somewhere.  Miss you and love you!  Thanks for always giving us a place to go to.

Love, Jamie

Friday, January 6, 2012

Just Stuff

Seeing how it's been almost a year since someone posted on this blog, I thought I would share a few of my thoughts. My mom has been gone 5 years now. For some reason this was hard for me. Really, I've only made it 5 years? It seems like I still have far too long until I see her again. I wonder sometimes what she would think of my parenting if she was here. I have this nagging feeling that I'm missing something as a mother because my mom isn't around to show me how to do it the right way. Like there's this special child rearing secret that only women with mothers know. Things are easier in some ways though. I more used to her being gone now. I still don't like it, but that's the way it is. The kids asked to watch home movies a few weeks ago and I almost made it through the ones of my mom without crying. It was nice to hear her voice. I feel like since she's been gone, my life has been exponentially harder and more complicated. I guess that's the point of life though, to be pushed out of our comfort zone and to grow from it. I often feel like I'm so much farther behind than I should be in learning from this but I hope that if I keep hanging in there and working toward peace and understanding, that my efforts will count for something. She never gave up, so how can I do anything less?