A lot of the time I really want to go home. A home where I'm safe and comfortable. Certainly my home with Andrew is wonderful. But I miss being able to go somewhere and be the child, not the mother. Somewhere that I can lay my burdens down and just be taken care off. My "home" was gone the day my mom died. I know it's not gone forever but sometimes that doesn't make it easier. I can't believe she's been gone almost three years now. I didn't think I could go three days without my mom let alone three years. I wish I still felt safe. I wish that I go back to my bubble where terrible tragedies only happened to other people and never to my family. But I can't and I all I can do is deal with it the best I can. The lyrics from this song really sum up how I feel.
"See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train"
-John Mayer "Stop This Train"