Sunday, October 18, 2009

Can I Go Home Now?

A lot of the time I really want to go home. A home where I'm safe and comfortable. Certainly my home with Andrew is wonderful. But I miss being able to go somewhere and be the child, not the mother. Somewhere that I can lay my burdens down and just be taken care off. My "home" was gone the day my mom died. I know it's not gone forever but sometimes that doesn't make it easier. I can't believe she's been gone almost three years now. I didn't think I could go three days without my mom let alone three years. I wish I still felt safe. I wish that I go back to my bubble where terrible tragedies only happened to other people and never to my family. But I can't and I all I can do is deal with it the best I can. The lyrics from this song really sum up how I feel.

"See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train"
-John Mayer "Stop This Train"


Jamie Densley Fieber said...

Dido..... Nothing is really close to home except Grandma's and my mother-in-law's house. But I consider home to be where ever I feel Mom. Love you and hope that you start feeling better. You can come to my house anytime:) I'll watch your kids and take care of you:)

Dawn said...

Ditto Ditto Ditto - Ugh!
You said it perfectly! Unfortunately, no one "gets it" until they have lived it. It is so hard. We think about you - and hurt with you. And then we hold our heads high and keep going, because our moms taught us to do so. We were so lucky to have such great ladies to call "Mom".